To Whomever Found My Girlfriend’s Phone and Returned It:
Thank you. You were kind enough to help someone out in a time of need rather than taking advantage of them. Especially since the phone in question was a first-gen iPhone, worth a few hundred bucks. What with the recession and all, I wouldn’t blame you that much for selling it. I mean, it would still be wrong of course. Anyway, thanks for your help and your kindness. Your hard help serves as a beacon for all humanity.
Xugro & Co.